Wednesday, May 11, 2011

MAY is THE month!


We have a date scheduled of May 25th. I haven't heard from the ob's office yet with a time yet, but hope to have it before the week is over. It wasn't Addie's hydro that finally made the MFM decide to deliver a week earlier, but her size.

We went back in for another BPP on May 5th and Addie's heart rate was elevated  in the 170s and would not come down even after on the NST for about 30 mins. They sent us across the street to NAMC for prolonged monitoring. Basically got me changed into a hospital gown and hooked up to the heart rate and contraction monitors. Addie's heart rate was still in the 170s for the first few minutes but quickly came down into the 160s (her norm) and then was even bouncing around from the 130s to 150s. The variation is really what they like to see and what I think Dr. D got so concerned about was that she wasn't showing any variation during the sono and NST at her office.

Dr. C came to see me during her rounds, said baby looked great, checked to see if I was dialated any and I wasn't but 1 cm and completely 'long'. So that was very good news. I knew I had been having some contractions and was concerned I was walking around 3 cms with a bag of water about to break any minute. I felt much better knowing that wasn't the case. Dr. C ordered lots of drinking and dinner and I could go home in another hour as long as Addie's heart rate still looked as good. 

Well, in the time it took to monitor her for another hour and me to eat, they noticed I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes consistently on the monitors. The L&D nurse asked me if I felt them and I said oh yeah. I'd been having them on and off for a few weeks. She asked about the pain scale and I said probably a 5-6. Well that sent them into a whole nother tizzy. She called Dr. C and they ordered iv fluids and if the contractions didn't go away we'd have to stay over night. Thankfully after 1.5 bags of fluid and laying over on my side for a while, the contractions got much less regular and less painful. We were sent home around 11pm. What should have been a few hours off of work for Adam became a whole night of playing hookie. We joked about our Cinco De Mayo date in L&D. 

When I went in yesterday to see Dr. C first she really wanted me to narrow Dr. D down on a date. She wanted something on the books since she's delivering at a different hospital than her normal one. She felt better with re-scheduling something than trying to schedule last minute, which I totally agreed with. I was all ready to pin Dr. D down on a date. Thankfully by the time I made it to Dr. D's office, Dr. C had already called and they had discussed everything and were in agreement. Whew! The hydro, Addie's size, the pre-term labor issues and Dr. D agreed that 37 and half weeks was probably our best bet. She warned me that with Addie's size and my gd that Addie may have some respiratory distress. Mainly needing suction and oxygen for a while. She just wanted me to be prepared. I'm very curious to see how much Addie ends up weighing!

She's so stubborn which is probably going to be to her advantage. If we have a bpp where she does her breathing exercises immediately, it seems we have to wait the full 30 mins to see her move. IF she's moving in the beginning of the scan, she doesn't want to do her breathing exercises. This from the same baby that would NOT move her leg for the amnio. 

Mom is basically staying all week while Adam and Melissa work. Melissa is going to stay the weekend nights that Adam works and then Adam's off this Sunday and Monday. He won't be off again until vacation starts for him on May 23rd. He went ahead and took off two days before the c-section. Of course, all these plans can change in a heart beat. Literally. Addie's heart beat. If she shows signs of stress in the next two weeks, they'll take her sooner than the 25th. 

I've still got a stupid cough, can still hear myself wheezing when I'm just sitting here. I finally found something that does help some. Laying off the dairy consumption. Odd but it works. I talked to Dr. C about coughing during the surgery since I'll be awake. She assured me it wouldn't affect what she's doing. That I might feel like I can't breathe but rest assured I was. They can suction me if necessary. FUN!

I asked Dr. C if it was ok to get a tattoo two weeks before surgery. The look on her face was pretty funny. I guess I don't look like the tattooing kind. She advised me that it probably wouldn't be a good idea. And I said 'Really? Because I really want to tattoo TIE MY TUBES across my belly in case someone else ends up delivering me.'  She cracked up laughing and assured me that it's in my file. 

We're trying to get everything in place for the baby. It's such a different situation to plan for, knowing she most likely won't be coming home when I do. There are some things we need to get ready but I'm hesitant to over prepare in case God forbid, the worst happens. So there's this weird dance we do to get ready for the things we need to but putting off the things that would just remind us of coming home empty handed. Such a surreal experience. As I told Adam yesterday, I'm looking at delivery to give us a ton of answers and to be this big sense of relief that she's here and ok but on the other hand I know that this journey is still very much in the infancy stage. Just because she's out and here doesn't mean she's out of the woods or that they won't find more things wrong or there be more issues that arise. But really I can say the same thing for Gray and Jack, too. We really do ASSUME too much. I miss the assumptions but know that I'll be a better person and parent for learning to live in the moment more than I did. And that goes for more than just Addie's issues. 

I'm trying my best to enjoy the last two weeks of this pregnancy. This will be my last pregnancy, in as much as I can control. I try to search myself to see if there's a shred of sadness about that and I honestly can say I can't find any. Regardless of what Addie's future holds, I know that I don't want to go through this again. I have two beautiful, amazing, healthy boys and pray that I have an amazing, beautiful, healthy daughter on the way. In that I am content. 

The fact that my pregnancies aren't 'easy' even without the hydro diagnosis, the fact that my uterus is already stretched out from 3 big babies (measuring 43 wks at 35 wks!), the fact that Addie's issues with her size are because of my sugar issues.... it's time to be done with this part of my life and embrace the future. I pray I have many new and exciting chapters left!

Enjoy THIS moment, for this moment is your life!

~ Aimee

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

May might be THE month

Hard to believe it's been over 6 weeks since we found out about Addie's hydro. Her vents are up to the mid 40s but have mostly stabilized the last few weeks. Her head circumference is measuring between 42 and 44 cms. We've received the cord blood collection kit, toured the hospital, met with the neonatologist and the neurosurgeon. Our plan is in place for the hydro as much as it can be. Delivery date was tentatively set for June 1st.  38 weeks 4 days.

Until our last sonogram on Monday the 2nd of May. Addie's growth scan showed her weighing between 10 and 12 pounds. Her head is obviously a big part of that equation, no pun intended, but her belly is measuring quite large as well. Dr. D is concerned about her size, obviously. I'm not exactly thrilled either! She had turned back around and is breech again. How a ten pound baby can turn from head down to breech and me not know it is beyond me. Dr. D has upped my u/s to two a week from now on to watch more closely for stress. Scares the poo out of me. I had a plan in place for the hydro but her size is only partly related to the hydrocephalus. The fluid weighs a lot I'm sure and the sheer size of the head will skew the formula. But the fact that her belly is measuring so large is a complication from my diabetes. Something that's supposedly as controlled as it can be. My A1Cs are 'excellent' and 'wonderful' and 'awesome' according to all three of my docs. But for some reason she's still chubbing up. The fact that I'm already having a c-section takes care of a lot of the issues related to macrosomia but the issue that is the most scary is that her size can start stressing her body. Her oxygen needs can exceed what my body can provide. So we're in a holding pattern, trying to balance her need to stay in as long as she can for maturity issues to handle the shunt surgery against what ever danger her size poses by staying in utero.

Then there's the fact that I'm measuring 39 weeks and my body thinks I'm further along than I am. And I've been having some contractions, enough to start timing them. I have a ton of questions for Dr. D tomorrow. Then I'm seeing Dr. C, my ob, next Tuesday and she'll check to see if I'm dilating. I feel like we may have a better idea of how much sooner her size is going to make delivery after those two appointments. I'd really like to have a scheduled delivery and not an emergency c-section, if for no other reason than for Dr. C to be able to deliver. Since we're delivering downtown and not at NAMC, Dr. C can't just walk across the street at a moment's notice.

Trying to stay strong and hold onto my faith but it's really thrown me. I keep telling myself it could be worse. And it could. But I will feel so much better when she's out and safe and I can see her and they can monitor her 24/7 and not just twice a week!!